turning the mind from anxiety towards the sweeter moments of life
Turning the Mind From Anxiety Towards the Sweeter Moments of Life
We spend so much of our lives worrying, problem solving, complaining, or waiting for the next thing that when a bit of sweetness arrives, we often fail to relish in it. All too often we can remember the cringe-worthy thing we did or said in middle school in excruciating detail, but our memory is hazy when it comes to the more pleasant side of life. This isn't because of some personal failing of ours; it is built into our brains to record, remember, and ultimately learn from perceived threats to our physical and emotional safety.
In terms of our neurobiology, which has evolved over time to be highly sensitive to threats, it makes sense that the more difficult parts of life would be more easily accessed, as it is these that impact our survival. While our neolithic ancestors were rightly preoccupied with experiences that shape survival, our modern lives need not be quite so dire, though perhaps they are equally stressful. The antidote is not to ignore the stressful, difficult, or painful parts of life, but to see that they are only one part of life; to balance the internal scales, we must turn our attention to the joyest moments of life too and remind ourselves of what life looks like beyond survival.
So let's relish, sit, and delight in some of our sweetest moments now.
Sinking into a Sweet Memory
Get comfortable; perhaps rooting your feet into the floor, or rolling your shoulders back before settling in and allowing your mind to rest on some sweet memory. Don’t worry about trying to bring to mind the most euphoric moment of your life or even the most intense; we're simply after the sense of sweetness, of contentment, of a pure moment where we were fully in touch with our experiences. A moment where all the concerns, worries, anxieties, perhaps even thoughts melt away and we are left with pure feeling. A time in your life where the daily stresses were muted for a moment and you were fully present.
For example, my mind wanders back to a day when I was a young pre-teen, before cars and hanging out at the mall were the main activities. The sun is bright and high in the sky and I'm riding my bike and the wind is flowing through my hair. As I approach a long, slightly twisted hill, I let out a "whoop" of joy. Gone from my mind are the worries of homework or home life, I am simply a kid, flying down a steep road on a beautiful day, laughing.
This memory is not big or dramatic, simply sweet. Allow your mind to wander to a moment of sweetness in your own life. Perhaps sitting with a beloved pet or watching a sunset while traveling, perhaps game night with friends or family, or the birth of your child. Allow yourself to take in with all your senses what is going on around you and within you. What ingredients make up this sweetness? Give yourself permission to stay here in this sweetness for a moment, letting some of that sweetness from then seep into this moment.
When you've relished in your sweetness enough for now, allow yourself to reflect on the memory that came up. Was it what you expected? Did anything about the memory surprise you? Does any part of your day or life look similar to your sweet memory? How could you get more of the sweet things in life, if you tried to incorporate parts of your sweet memory in your life now? How can you allow the sweet moments in your life to act as guideposts for your future?
If This Isn’t Nice, I Don’t Know What Is: Noticing and Naming Moments of Joy
In addition to letting some of the sweetness of the past into our present, another strategy to wring the most out of the best parts of life is to simply notice and name when sweetness, contentment , or joy shows up in our lives. My favorite way comes from Kurt Vonnegut, who provided the following advice in Man from Another Country:
"But I had a good uncle, my late Uncle Alex. He was my father’s kid brother, a childless graduate of Harvard who was an honest life-insurance salesman in Indianapolis. He was well-read and wise. And his principal complaint about other human beings was that they so seldom noticed it when they were happy. So when we were drinking lemonade under an apple tree in the summer, say, and talking lazily about this and that, almost buzzing like honeybees, Uncle Alex would suddenly interrupt the agreeable blather to exclaim, “If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.”
So I do the same now, and so do my kids and grandkids. And I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, 'If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.""
By tuning into the pleasure of the moment we can allow ourselves to enjoy it more fully and to recall it more clearly in the future. I am forever murmuring to myself “if this isn’t nice…” and trying to take full advantage of the moment by noticing all the bits that make it up. There are so many parts of life that we wish we could fast-forward through and so many others we wish we could slow down time and just pause. So allow yourself to pause, breath it in, and be with it just a moment longer.
We aren’t able to manipulate time, but we can focus our attention to more fully be in the moment and enjoy the good times as much as possible. Notice what you can see around you. Notice what you can hear. Take a moment to notice any sensations in your body. Observe your thoughts and get curious about what your facial expression might be. Notice how you might be holding your body. If you become distracted by thoughts of to-dos and what’s next, bring your attention back to the sweet moment you’re in and allow yourself to be in it--as fully as possible--for as long as it may last. Murmur to yourself, “if this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.”
Drink in the sweetness and give yourself permission to return to it as much as you need. Life is already so full of worry and difficulty, we need to make time and space to enjoy and remember that we get through the hard times for the promise of sweetness to come. Enjoy them when they arrive and allow yourself to remember them for just how sweet they are.