self care beyond "treat yo self"

we’re told self-care looks like this.

and sometimes it does.
but often times it doesn’t.

If social media is to be believed, self care is mainly bubble baths, fancy chocolates, high-priced cocktails, and shopping sprees. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a fan of each of these things, but I do worry when our main understanding of self-care as a practice can be summed up by the .gif “treat yo self.”

I love Parks and Rec like the next girl, but self-care is more than simply treating ourselves.

When we are sold and internalize the message that self-care is a insta-worthy glamor shot, we are left wondering why “self care” isn’t enough. We get frustrated that our self-care doesn’t keep us from spiraling with anxiety when our boss asks us into their office. Or why we feel like a zombie after a (mostly) full night of sleep.

Self-care has become something we are supposed to do (and thus another thing that we can fail at!), but this shallow vision of self-care often leaves us judging ourselves and full of the “not good enough” thoughts.

The “treat yo self” mentality has its place (praise hands!). But think of this type of practice as dessert—delicious, wonderful, and a sometimes-but-not-everyday-but-if-today-generally-after-a-full-meal type of thing.

Self-care as a practice is the meal; ideally full of a variety of healthy proteins, grains, and veggies, satisfying, perhaps comforting, and provides the necessary energy for life. Both can be mouth-wateringly good, but only one fills us up. The other? Just as delicious, but as a ya, know, treat and not a main course.

So if self-care is the meal you’ve been skipping, what should be on your plate?

First, the intention of self-care is not to give you good vibes only ™.

Self-care is intentional practices that you build into your life. These are things that nurture, enrich, and recharge you. So that you have greater mental, emotional, and social bandwidth.

To figure out what practices would refresh and reinvigorate you, ask yourself:

What is it that helps you get through the storms of life? What fills your cup? What are those things that you make time for that give your day more of a sense of ease? And rather than slap one of these into your day when you’ve had a bad one, think about how you can incorporate these practices into your days, weeks, and months.

We are reimagining self-care as proactive rather than reactive. It’s damn hard to refill your cup when you’re on empty. So we’ve gotta build a life where you’re not operating on a feast or famine cycle. A life where you cup never runs dry because you’re making sure to fill the damn thing!

If you’re like many of us, perhaps you haven’t fully figured out what helps you get through. Or perhaps you know what gets you through the moment and you recognize the toll that may be taking on your life or relationships.

What may have once worked may no longer serve us. In each new chapter, we must recalibrate and find what may work for the current version of our lives and ourselves. Whatever practices we reach for, we should ask ourselves—how is this serving me and the life I want for myself?

If bubble baths and bonbons are my only strategies, am I able to live the life I want?

And hey, if those are your strategies and you feel like you’re not surviving the storms in your life, maybe it’s time to get new strategies. If you’d like to chat with me about how I can help you build practices into your life which fill you up and leaving you feeling like you can take on life no matter what the weather, say hi here.